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Your body gets stiff, you get cramps in your legs –

Corns on your feet as big as bird’s eggs.

Gas on your stomach, bowel movements are poor –

Take Ex-Lax at night but still you’re not sure.

You soak in the tub, so your body will swell –

It’s just like I said, “Old Age is Hell.”

Your teeth start decaying, your eyesight is poor,

Your hair is falling out, all over the floor --

Your sex life is shot – it’s a thing of the past --

Don’t kid yourself, friend, even that doesn’t last.

Can’t go to parties, can’t dance any more –

Just putting it mildly, you’re a hell of a bore.

Liquor is out, don’t dare take a chance –

Bladder is weak, might wet your pants –

Nothing to plan for – nor to expect –

But the mail with your Social Security check!

Make sure you’re prepared and your will is made right –

OR on the way to the grave, there’ll be a hell of a fight.

So … if at this time you feel fairly well –

Thank God you are alive for OLD AGE IS HELL !!
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