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Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover or Boy or Buddy”. I call mine “Sex”. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like to have one too.” Then I said, “But this is a dog”. He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand; I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old!” He said I must have been quite a kid!

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for Sex. I said, “You don’t understand; Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too”.

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said. “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said, “Me too.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me too!”

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I said, “I’m looking for Sex”. My case comes up Friday.
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